It is not good for the man to be alone...

I'm alone in our house right now. My wife and youngest son are in Oregon visiting family/friends. I stayed home alone.

Truth be told, I was really looking forward to doing this alone thing. I always do. I always say to myself when I know that I will be alone and have the house to myself, "You can do this, you can do that. You can get all those things done that you're always wanting to do." I fool myself into thinking that I will be able to read books/magazines uninterrupted. That I will be able to set my own schedule for everything I do. That I will not have to worry about the schedule/activities of anyone else. Who am I kidding?

It is not good for the man to be alone.

God had it right when He spoke these words recorded in Genesis 2. Even though we are basically selfish creatures, frequently more self-focused/self-centered than we should be, we really do need each other. We need other people.

When I am alone (like my current situation), it seems my self-focus/self-centeredness increases. Not only that, I begin to almost resent other people who innocently invade my aloneness. When we are alone, generally not a lot of good happens. When we allow our self-focus/self-centeredness to increase, we can forget the value of other people in our lives and how much we really need them.

This past week, a friend of mine, Herrick, a friend I've known for over thirty years, lost his sweet wife, Mary. She finally succumbed to the ravages of a terrible disease that complicated and compromised her life the past several years. I ache for Herrick right now. He is alone in the home he shared with Mary for almost 50 years. Now, of course, for the time being, he does have people in his house - his children and their families, his friends, his neighbors, people from his church, etc. But, someday soon, he will have to face the fact that he is now all alone in that house. And, I am certain that when that happens, he will agree with God that, "It is not good for the man to be alone."

I don't think it is a coincidence that my circumstances of being alone are juxtaposed with my friend Herrick's being alone. I believe that God allowed this to teach me some very important lessons. It's not a mistake that I am seeing this being alone experience in fresh, new ways right now. My perspective on being alone is changing.

Am I saying that you should ALWAYS be around other people and never have a moment to yourself? No. I'm just saying that we all need to be careful when we are in the circumstance of being alone. Careful that we don't allow the self-focus/self-centeredness we all struggle with to deepen/grow. Rather, we need to turn this alone time into opportunities to bless other people. Here's a few things I might try to do the next several days while I am alone:

- I can pray for my wife and son, that they will have a wonderful time with family/friends.
- I can pray for my friend, Herrick, and his family; that God will comfort them as they mourn.
- I can write to my friend, Herrick, encouraging him in his time of need by telling him how much I loved his Mary, and remind him of all the wonderful ways the two of them lived life to the fullest.
- I can ask some neighbors out for lunch (as I did today), telling them with both my words and actions how much they mean to us as neighbors and how blessed we are to be living next to them.
- I can call some people I don't normally take the time to call and surprise them with that.

Well, I think you get the idea.

It is not good for the man to be alone. Seize the opportunity when you are alone the next time to think about the needs of someone else, not just your own. And then act on those thoughts. You probably won't regret it.

Now, off to that book I was going to read...

When Amateurs Are In Charge

Now that I am older (not really old mind you, just older), I find myself a little less tolerant of "amateurs."

But, before you jump all over me for being too harsh in my assessment of "amateurs," let me tell you that I completely understand that I was once an "amateur" myself. The really dumb things I did at a much earlier age (all the while thinking I was so doggone smart!) are totally embarrassing to me now. Wow. Why didn't someone tell me that I was such a rank "amateur" in so many areas? And I was. Believe me! Ugh.

Fortunately, I had several people who gave me multiple chances at strategic places in my life. They gave me chances to try and fail. They gave me chances to learn and grow. They even gave me chances to make dumb mistakes. They also gave me chances to learn valuable lessons from the dumb mistakes I made. Hallelujah for that!

The measurable consequences of my plentiful "amateur" mistakes were pretty small. I hope and pray that very few people were severely impacted by my true "amateur" status earlier in life.

Fast forward to today. Sure seems like there are a lot of "amateurs" out there, doesn't it? Sure seems like there are a lot of well-meaning people in several places trying and failing at their jobs, doesn't it? Sure seems to be a lot of people in need of a lot of learning and growing before they'll really be able to be good at what they do, doesn't it? From my perspective, there seems to be a lot of people making some really dumb mistakes affecting untold numbers of people. I believe that there is a plethora (I love that word - a la El Guappo from The Three Amigos!) of folks out there who really need some wisdom and a crash course on life (including lessons learned from same) before they'll ever be very good at their jobs/stations in life. Unfortunately, the mistakes being made today seem to be accelerating daily, compounding some daunting negative impacts on a lot of people, too. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

Concerning all of this, a thought has been rattling around in my head for several weeks. It goes like this: This is what happens when amateurs are in charge.

Whatever happened to valuing age and life experience, trusting the collective wisdom of the people who traveled this life before us? Why are we all so quick to throw out time-tested, tried and true principles/life lessons these days, falling head over heals instead for whatever is new, popular, politically correct or simply marketed well? Isn't there something to be learned from those who have gone before us? Something?

Now that I am older, I am valuing the input and recommendations of those who have gone before me a lot more than I ever have before. Also, as much as I like giving people multiple chances and helping them to learn in this life, I am beginning to think we can't afford to do that much more when there are so many grossly negative consequences for doing this when amateurs are in charge.

My advice to you (even though you aren't necessarily asking me for it!) is to look around and find someone close to you who has traveled this life well and learned a lot from it. Hang around that person. Learn all you can from them. Ask questions of them. Take notes. Be willing to accept the fact that you more than likely don't know it all (I know that that revelation will be a shock to some of you!). Recognize that there is always something to be learned from someone else. Maybe even someone as old as me?

Who knows? Maybe you'll actually discover something really valuable from the experience and be able to take that something to an even higher level as you live your life? Who knows?

In conclusion, I just want to leave you with this final thought: really unfortunate things happen when amateurs are in charge.

Crapemyrtles

What's your view of life these days? Is it "everything's on the up and up," or are you a little bit more pessimistic than that?

I would have to say that there are a lot of things to be discouraged about right now - here in the United States as well as around the world. I won't begin to spell out for you all the stuff that has me personally concerned, but my list seems to get longer and longer every day. And then it either shrinks or grows depending on my attitude and/or how I choose to view life at that moment in time.

But, when I really think about it, I have to ask: "When hasn't there been a lot to be discouraged about in this world?" Hasn't there always been troubles/difficulties of some sort or another?

Why is it that we are sometimes prone to focus on just the troubles and difficulties in this life? Why is it that we sometimes only see the bad in life and completely miss the good?

That is why I am so glad that God made crapemyrtles.

If you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, I hope you've noticed how absolutely beautiful the crapemyrtles are this year! I guess the combination of lots and lots of spring rains followed by very hot temperatures is just what the crapemyrtles needed to show off their absolutely gorgeous colors. Wow! Some of the ones in this area are incredibly beautiful!

After noticing crapemyrtles a lot the past few days, I decided it was time to take a photo of one particularly brilliant one on my way home from church today (see photo at the beginning of this blog). I am amazed at how vibrant the color is and how bountiful the blossoms on this one tree! Amazing!

While observing the beauty of the crapemyrtles, I couldn't help but think of the lyrics to a song. It is these words that frequently run through my head whenever I experience something so beautiful in God's creation. The lyrics I am referring to are taken from a song entitled "That's the Love of God," written by Phill McHugh and Greg Nelson back in 1989. It was Sandi Patti who made this song and its words famous/popular several years ago. The lyrics go like this:

What made God take so much care

To make creation glow

He could have made it black and white

And we'd have never known.

So, going forward I am going to try to remember that even when it seems like there is a lot to be discouraged about in our world, I need to stop and check my attitude.

Am I dwelling too much on the bad, not allowing myself to consider something good - like the magnificent beauty of crapemyrtles?

Am I thinking enough about how good God is towards me - about how His creation provides incredible beauty and bounty if we will only stop and take notice?

Have I thanked God today for making living plants like crapemyrtles to explode with color - even though He could've made them black and white and we'd have never known?

In spite of all the stuff that could bring us down and get us really discouraged in this life, let's remember that God gave us crapemyrtles.

Don't just focus on the bad in the world. Allow yourself to focus on the good, too.

What's your view of life today?

Who Moved the Furniture?

My wife and I recently "rearranged" the living room in our house (even if ever so slightly) in anticipation of having some out-of-town guests/family come for a short visit this coming week. We wanted to make our living room a little bit easier for entertaining both in-town and out-of-town guests/family. We also wanted to make the room better for television/movie watching when there are only three of us here doing that.

Anyway, for several days after we did the rearranging, each time I passed through the living room, I thought to myself, "Who moved the furniture?"

Isn't it funny how accustomed and comfortable we can get to things being a certain way in life (even down to the arrangement of furniture in rooms in our houses)? And then, someone or something changes (even if only in a small or insignificant way) and we exclaim to ourselves, "Who moved the furniture?"

The older I get, the more I seem to notice changes, even small ones.

I have found that there is comfort in things being and/or staying somewhat predictable in life. There is comfort in not having to re-think everything each and every day we live. As a matter of fact, it can be downright uncomfortable when you have to adapt to change after change after change after change. Why don't we just leave things the way they are? Why do we have to continually change things?

Well, I've also come to realize that change is just a part of life. Get over it!

As much as I'd like to lock down on somethings and declare them to be totally unchangeable from this point forward, I need to be careful. An attitude like that only leads to unhealthy rigidity, potential alienation of people in my life and maybe even a bad case of ugly legalism. Taken to an even greater extreme, an unwillingness to accept and respond to change leads to a lot of other not so great attributes, too.

On the other hand, there are some things that are worth locking down on and declaring to be totally unchangeable. And that's really O.K., too. Living your life in constant state of change (oftentimes just for the sake of resisting permanence and/or stability) is no more virtuous than living your life unwilling to change. As with a lot of other things in life, the trick is trying to find a healthy balance between constant change and an unwillingness to change at all.

Recently, I traveled to the place where I grew up in Iowa. We visited several family members there. In a lot of ways it seemed to me that not a lot had changed since I was living there 40-50 years ago. I didn't know how I felt about that. Why hadn't this place and the people changed more? What was wrong with them? And then I said to myself that the fact that not a lot had changed was also very good. There were (and are) a lot of things in Iowa that shouldn't change. I realized that even though I had changed a lot from where I was 40-50 years ago, a lot of things also had not changed and that was equally good.

Balancing change, adapting to changes without compromising, and sorting out what really matters in life is key when it comes to change. Wish I had the fine art of it mastered, but I don't. I probably still resist change in a lot of areas, and then am way too prone to change when change is not necessary at all.

So, here's my challenge to all of you reading this. The next time you notice a change, and either remark to yourself, "Who moved the furniture?" and resist it with all your mind, soul and strength or accept the change way too quickly without fully evaluating all the ramifications, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following questions, long before passing final judgment on the change:

- Am I reacting poorly to this change because I am hopelessly stuck and unwilling to adapt to something new and different?

- Am I becoming too rigid and "out-of-touch" with the world I am living in because I resist changes like this so vehemently?

- What did I abandon and/or give-up by accepting this change? In the grand scheme of things, was that abandonment and/or compromised principle worth giving up?

- Is the change I am now facing a change just for change sake? Am I way too prone to make the change just because it is a "popular" thing to do?

- Is the change I am accepting causing me to forget where I've come from and all that was invested in me in the past?

Who moved the furniture?

Less of Me

Day-in, day-out, this life sure can have its share of struggles. And some of those struggles usually are with the people we know and love best of all. Why is it that relationships are so hard sometimes?

Don't get me wrong. When it comes to relationships, I am blessed way beyond imagination! And, I am very, very grateful to God for each and every relationship He's given me. I am blessed by all the people God has placed in my life. Well, almost all the people (smile)...

So, why is it that we sometimes struggle with relationships in this life, especially when most of us are so blessed by all the people we know and love?

I believe the answer to that question is selfishness.

We are all selfish creatures. So, when it comes to our relationships, we want our own way. We'll get along with the other people God has placed in our lives (at work, at church, at school and maybe even in our own homes/families?) as long as they do just what we want them to do. Sound familiar?

Too often, many of us adopt a "my way or the highway" attitude when it comes to our closest relationships. As long as the other person agrees with me and what I think, then we'll get along. However, if they have another idea about a subject and I don't like it, well...

I love it when the lyrics of certain songs provide just the answers we need for the struggles we encounter in this life. I'm sure that all of us have at some time heard a song and immediately it touches our heart. Then, as often times happens, many, many years later those same lyrics are still stuck in your head reminding you of something that touched your heart long ago.

As I was thinking about writing this blog today and consequently mulling over the various events of the past week (which is what I do to get inspired for these blogs each week), one song kept popping into my head. It seemed to be just what I needed to hear again for the struggles I was experiencing with the various relationships in my life.

The name of the song is "Less of Me."

I first remember hearing this song back in 1978-79 at Dundee Presbyterian Church - Omaha, Nebraska. It was a Camp Sunday song that the high school students shared upon returning from their weeklong summer camp. The song really struck a chord (pun intended) with me, especially concerning my specific problem with selfishness. There have been many times over the past 30 years where I've had the lyrics to this song pop into my head, usually when I am in the midst of some struggle with a relationship and don't know what to do. The lyrics go like this:

Let me be a little kinder
Let me be a little blinder
To the faults of those around me
Let me praise a little more

Let me be when I am weary
Just a little bit more cheery
Think a little more of others
And a little less of me

Let me be a little braver
When temptation bids me waiver
Let me strive a little harder
To be all that I should be

Let me be a little meeker
With a brother that is weaker
Let me think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me

Struggles with relationships in this life? Try the less of me approach. It has helped me...

Giving an Acceptance Speech

Today is Father's Day. And, since I have the happy, joyful, wonderful privilege of being a Dad, I've been thinking a lot about that the past few days...

What kept coming to mind as Father's Day approached was giving an acceptance speech. You know, kind of like they do at the Oscars and/or any other annual awards program? When the person who gets the award gets up there and says: "I'd like to thank..."

Well, here's what I'd say today in giving an acceptance speech for being a father.

First, I'd like to thank my God (heavenly Father) for giving me life and breath, and for providing His grace and salvation (eternal life) through Jesus Christ, my Lord. He gave me the most important gift I'll ever receive in this life! He saved me when I was lost. Thank you!

Next, I'd like to thank my Dad (earthly father) for marrying my Mom, and for bringing me into this world so many years ago. He loved me through so many tough times, and still loves me very much even to this day. I'm his only son and he has always been proud of me. He taught me to work and work hard, and always to do my best. Thank you, Dad!

I'd like to thank my loving and faithful wife, Ellen, who has always stood by me, supporting me in countless and incredible ways. She loved me enough (and still does!) to carry all four of our children to birth, thus giving me the fantastic privilege of being a Dad! She has stood by me - day in, day out - for almost thirty years, working very hard to make sure our house is a "home," and faithfully teach our children alongside me. Thank you, sweetie!

I'd like to thank my son, Andy, who always challenges me to consider "dreaming bigger, " reaching for whatever opportunities/goals are next. He's advised me with an unusual boldness when I really needed it, and called me up to places I still feel like I don't belong (largely due to periodic, misguided feelings of inadequacy/unworthiness, as well as times of very low self esteem). Thanks, Andy!

I'd like to thank my daughter, Katie, who always makes me feel so special, as though she's really glad to see me/be with me! She's helped me understand (just as her Mom has attempted to do for many years) that this life should be fun and lived to the fullest. She's also encouraged me to not take myself so seriously (which I need to be reminded of a lot!). She is an incredibly talented, resourceful and beautiful young lady! Brave, too. Thanks, Katie!

I'd like to thank my son, Peter, who so confidently accepts every stage of his life, and then makes it look so easy to be who he is (and do all that he does). He always calls me up to even higher levels of integrity, discipline and faithfulness, probably without even knowing that he is doing that. He's continually demonstrated extreme loyalty to his immediate family, as well as uncommon selflessness to long-time friends. Thanks, Peter!

I'd like to thank my son, Nathan, who always makes me smile, and causes me to laugh at so many things that are funny in life. He's proved himself to be a valuable friend to many, including his siblings! He provides his mother and me the delight of offering a place for his teenage friends to hangout and have fun. He has an uncanny sense for distinguishing right from wrong. He's brought a lot of joy to me over the years. Thanks, Nathan!

I'd like to thank Annie and Kristen, two chosen women who have truly captivated the hearts of my older sons, Andy and Peter. Thank you for being faithful to them, and for providing the companionship that they will need for this life. Thank you for allowing me, at times, to be another "father" to each of you. Thanks, Annie and Kristen!

Finally, I'd like to thank all those who have played strategic parts in helping me learn more about being a godly father, and then calling me up to that challenging task. I'm talking about the pastors, teachers, friends, family members and other acquaintenances/authors who have offered advice and loving instruction when I needed it most. Thank you all for caring enough to make yourselves available to me (and to my children) when "just me" alone would not have been enough. The responsibility of being a father is not something to be taken lightly, not for the faint of heart and not to be accomplished all on your own. No one is completely adequate for the task in and of themselves alone. It takes the wisdom and assistance of many to do it well.

So, if I were giving an acceptance speech for "fatherhood," that is what I'd say. I am a very blessed man today...

The 10 Cannots of William J. H. Boetcker

I ran across some great words in my readings this past week. I don't exactly remember where I read them. But, I thought they were too good not to share them in this blog.

I was originally led to believe that these words were written/spoken by Abraham Lincoln. Upon doing more research, however, I discovered otherwise.

The great words I'm referring to are called The 10 Cannots of William J. H. Boetcker, originally published in 1916, and they read like this:


You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.


94 years later these words are still very powerful (and also very true!). God bless William J. H. Boetcker for writing them down.

I'm going to remember these 10 Cannots for a long time to come. Too bad these great words aren't "required reading" for all citizens of the United States of America today. We could really use wisdom like this again in our civic/political arena...