Every Man is an Island

You've probably heard the expression "no man is an island." Frankly, I wonder if that's all wrong? I wonder if every man is an island is more like it. Let me explain...

I believe that you and I were created for relationship. I believe that you and I need relationship more than anything else in all the world. I believe that without truly relating to other people in our lives, we become "islands," completely separated from each other, which is not very healthy.

Why then are you and I so prone to times of isolation and broken relationships? Why do we unwittingly create barriers between us or establish "deep waters" that separate ourselves from the very people we should/could be relating to?

Has this been anyone else's experience or is it just me?

Take my important relationship with my wonderful wife, Ellen. She is absolutely one of the most highly relational people I have ever known. Thank God for that! She just thrives on relating to other people and sometimes I am just perplexed by how good she is at it. I really wish I was more like her some days. I really, really do! But instead, there are times when I sense that I am totally clamming up, creating an unwanted barrier between us. Usually I can't even figure out exactly why? Here's this highly relational, wonderful person in my life, and yet I am establishing "deep waters" around me to keep her at bay (so to speak). I don't get it?

And then there's my four children, those supremely important and wonderful offspring God blessed me and Ellen with as a family. I love them more than anything else in all the world, and I would do absolutely anything for any of them (I really, really would!). But, too often I sense that I am once again creating barriers between them and me. And I ask myself, "Why in the world am I doing this?" Here are these terrific young people in my life, and I'm establishing "deep waters" around me, keeping them at bay? What's with that?

How about other people in your life that you have opportunity to relate to? Like your parents, or those that you live around, or those you work with every day, or those you see at your church or school? Ever find yourself holding back from really relating to them? You realize of course that they probably are really great folks who also need relationship as much as you do, right? Why are we sometimes so prone to make "islands" out of ourselves when we were created for relationship?

Well, I have a couple of thoughts on this subject.

Relationships are hard. Relationships require a lot of us. Relationships frequently change. Sometimes we are not as willing as we should/could be to change with them. In an ideal sense, relationships are about us being willing to relate to that other person, not about whether that other person is satisfing my needs/wants/desires.

I also believe that you can only maintain a small number of truly deep and fulfilling relationships. We kid ourselves when we try to relate to hundreds or thousands of people. It just doesn't work. Large numbers like that are not true relationships. They are just casual acquaintances. People whose names simply fill up our address books and cell phones. True relationships are more intentional and more methodical and more sacrificial. They are also very rewarding and beneficial.

Yes, relationships are really the most important thing in this life. But, we frequently we mess them up, don't we? To the people we should/could love the most, we often become "islands" because we are afraid they might ask us to do something for them. Frequently we are unwilling to be that unselfish and vulnerable for them. Seems like we are often more willing to relate to someone and get along with someone in relationship as long as they agree with us and/or do what we want them to do. But when they demand something of us or ask us to commit to something that might interrupt our own selfish lives, we quickly become "islands."

So, it seems like every man is an island can be our relational experience. But, does it have to be? I am committing to working real hard from this moment to change that going forward. How about you? Will you join me?

No man is an island? Maybe they did get it right after all?