Relationships That Matter

Contrary to the unprecedented popularity of several new social media types (including Facebook), there are only a few relationships that matter in this world.

I mean really. Can any one of us really have several hundred "friends" all at the same time? I think not. Consequently, these days my heart yearns for a few relationships that matter. Not dozens; just a few. But, I have found that it is easier said than done.

Take today for example. Today is my Dad's 82nd birthday. He lives in Iowa and I live in Texas. I spoke with him this morning by phone, but really wish I could be there with him in person today instead.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Not sure why I even wrote that here to him. He'll never read it. You see, my Dad does not have a personal computer, or a cell phone for that matter. He's never logged on to the Internet or sent/received an e-mail. Facebook is an absolute foreign concept to him. He wouldn't comprehend the concept of a Twitter "tweet" even if I tried to explain it to him. And yet, I still have a strong desire for a relationship that matters with him! How is that even possible when we live over 700 miles away from each other? Brief, weekly phone calls on Sunday afternoons just aren't enough for relationships that matter to flourish. There needs to be more, so much more. How I wish there was more in the relationship with my Dad.

I also think about other important people in my life. The people I love. The ones I really should have a relationship that matters with: Ellen; Andy, Annie, Katie, Peter, Kristen, and Nathan; my Mom; my sisters/brothers and their spouses/friends; my nephews/nieces; my close friends; a few co-workers; a few neighbors; a few people at church; etc.

Already, my list of people I really should have a relationship that matters with is up past 60 people. Plus, very few of those on my list live close by or are connected with me in a constant, regular sort of way.

Therefore, I have to ask myself, "Is it really even possible to have a relationship that matters with all of these people?"

I have a strong desire for a relationship that matters with each and every one, but I get terribly frustrated when it seems so hard to actually do! What's wrong with me anyway? Why does it appear that others are able to manage this part of life so well? Or, are they?

While pondering this dilemma, I was drawn to several verses in the Bible (Romans 7:18-20 to be exact). Here's what those verses say in the New American Standard version:

"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But, if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me."

Not that I am a theologian or anything, but I think what these verses are saying is that when we have a strong desire to do what is right, but get frustrated when we can't do what we want to do and maybe even do the exact opposite of what we want to do, that means it's sin's fault. So, based on that, do I just get off easy then and say that it is an impossible task and just give up when it comes to relationships that matter? No.

I think there are several things I can learn from this whole experience concerning relationships that matter.

First, I need to stop trying to be more than I can really be to all the people/loved ones in my life. I need to better understand that I have a capacity for relationships, and also recognize that I probably will only be able to have relationships that matter with a few. And those few are probably going to be the ones who are either physically or genetically really close to me.

Second, it's discipline not desire that changes things. If I really desire a relationship that matters with someone close to me, then I am going to have to do something more than I am currently doing to make that happen. Just having the desire is not enough.

Third, I need to stop worrying about other people's expectations for me when it comes to relationships. I need to just enjoy the relationships I have and cherish those instead of spending all my time longing for some other relationship to get better. It would be a terrible thing to have no relationships that matter because of fussing over what was missing in so many of them.

I'm going to travel to Iowa with Ellen and Nathan to see my Dad in late June/early July. It will be wonderful to see him on the farm then. I'll have two to three days to demonstrate to him that his is a relationship that matters.

As they say in the Nike commercials, just do it!