A Son’s Remembrance of His Father

The fifth commandment in the Bible says, “Honor your father…” That is what I hope to do in the next few minutes – honor my Dad with a few words about who I think he was. 

After it was discovered that Dad had a “mass” in his pancreas and some other growths in his liver in early April, I flew out to be with him for a few days. At that time we weren’t sure that the diagnosis would be cancer. But, all signs were pointing to the fact that he had it. Consequently, we had some very personal and tough discussions at his kitchen table one afternoon. Dad eventually said to me, “Well, I’ve had a good life.” I asked him, “Are you ready to meet your Maker?” He told me immediately, “Yes, I am.” We then discussed other end-of-life scenarios and cried together – a lot.

As I flew back home a few days later, I feared I’d have to prepare some words like this to deliver at an occasion celebrating his life. I wasn’t all that excited about doing so, but I also didn’t want to miss an opportunity to pay tribute to a man I loved and admired greatly. On that flight (and later on flights to New York City, Atlanta and Sydney, Australia), I had a lot of time to write down some things that just seemed to epitomize my Dad. I decided to “alliterate” them (using the letter “C”) to possibly make them easier to remember. So, here goes:

Cards (Cribbage, Whist, Bridge, etc.) – Dad loved to play cards, and he was so good at it, too. As a matter of fact, you had better bring your A-game when you played cards against him because his policy was “no mercy.” He would beat you ten times out of eleven, but then smile and encourage you to play your best the next game! Cards just came easy to him. He literally had the uncanny knack of almost knowing all the cards in your hand when you played against him. As a result, some people didn’t even want to play against him! He was that good. I am really, really going to miss playing Cribbage with my Dad. Every time we got together, we played Cribbage (sadly, except for my final two trips to see him).

Careful – Dad was careful with just about everything he did. He believed that there was a right way to do some things and he just didn’t take shortcuts or overextend himself on much of anything. When he set his mind to do something, it was going to be the absolute best something he could make it. He got teased by my sisters and me for always saying, “You got to have a system!” But, he was so right. Sloppiness in work or finances or golf or any other activity really wasn’t his thing. If you were going to do something, do it right and take the time and care you needed to make it the best. He didn’t believe in “can’t.” When my sisters and I struggled with something early in life and told him we just can’t do it, he used to tell us, “Can’t never did anything.”       

Cars (and especially Cadillacs) – Dad had very few obvious indulgences, but the one he did have was driving really pretty cars. And, he traded in his cars about every two years or so, always looking to get the very best car he could (paying cash for them, of course). He started with Chevrolets, advanced to Buicks, and then finally settled on Cadillacs. Except for a couple of uncharacteristic purchases of a Lincoln and Volkswagen along the way (?), my Dad drove Cadillacs exclusively for over 45 years. His Cadillacs became his recognizable trademark. He must have been one of Cadillacs best, longest and most faithful customers, I’m sure. Speaking of cars, when he sold his farm in 2012, he actually bought each of his kids a brand new car! What a great gift! Dad loved cars, and especially Cadillacs.

Choirs – Dad loved to sing! Whether it be in the church choir, or with a men’s quartet, or at some other karaoke-type opportunity, Dad sang. And he didn’t sing soft. No, he sang LOUD! His base voice was really, really strong. When he was singing, he was all into it. He was the epitome of the expression “belting it out.” Consequently, all of us in our family also loved to sing, or at least we appreciated great music and those who produce it well. Some of my favorite memories of Dad are from sitting next to him in church and hearing him sing – especially the old hymns (How Great Thou Art always, always makes me think of my Dad).

Clean-Shaven – Dad was always clean-shaven. I don’t think he ever had facial hair his whole entire life. To him, it was really important to have a clean-shaven face. I once had a goatee and mustache for a while and I know he really didn’t care for it at all. Dad didn’t start his day until he’d had a good shave each morning. He frequently shaved again before going out for the evening, as well. Always with a splash of Mennen Skin Bracer afterwards, of course.

Conservative – Dad was unquestionably conservative. He was never shy about stating his beliefs and politics openly. He believed in conservative values and ideals, and he loved voting in local, state and national elections accordingly. I learned at an early age where his political views stood, and as I’ve gotten older (and maybe a little bit wiser?), I find that I am gravitating more and more towards his viewpoint every day. The good thing was that Dad wasn’t ugly about expressing his political views. Rather, he just knew what he believed in and didn’t have any fear about letting people know where he stood. Frankly, I really admired that about him. 

Consistent – Dad was never wishy-washy about anything. You could almost predetermine how he would react to just about every situation. He had a way of living life that worked for him and he stuck to it. For example, he loved our Mom and us kids consistently, even when we disappointed him (especially me!). He stuck with the people he called his friends and didn’t ever abandon them. If he said he’d do something for you, you could take it to the bank. Dad consistently did what he said he was going to do and you could count on it every time. They don’t make too many like that anymore.

Corn – I just had to throw this word in. Dad grew corn most of his adult life, and he was possibly one of the best in all of Central Iowa at doing it. He prided himself in having very straight rows, really pretty fields, and BIG yields. He loved farming so much. Growing corn was one of his specialties – another potential trademark.

Country (Music, Living, Farming and the USA) – Dad couldn’t get enough of Country Western Music. As a matter of fact, all the stations on his last Cadillac were tuned to Sirius radio and Willie’s Roadhouse! Whether singing, dancing or listening to it, Dad loved Country Western Music. He also loved Country Living. He eventually adjusted to living at his home in Sun City, Arizona, because beyond his backyard was an absolutely beautiful golf course with lots of trees and a stunningly gorgeous lake. But, he really wanted to be out and away from everything somewhere in the country. Central Iowa was his absolute favorite place in all the world. He also loved states like Montana, Nebraska and Wyoming. In addition, he was a very proud American. He didn’t have a chance to serve in the military, but he defended his country every day of his life. He was a staunch patriot and didn’t understand it when others weren’t. To this day, I really can’t say anything bad about the USA – Dad taught me this was the best place in the world to live and I believe he was right!

Courageous – My Dad appeared to be completely unafraid of anything. I mean, absolutely anything! You might even say that he was somewhat fearless. Case in point was his final month on this earth. Anyone else would have potentially buckled under with the health issues he faced. The cancer in his body was ravaging his internal organs and other parts of his body terribly. But, he was incredibly courageous through it all and faced the challenges of pancreatic cancer all the way to the end. As a matter of fact, my sisters and I felt like he got supernaturally sweeter and sweeter toward the end of his life, even though his body was wreaking havoc within him at every single breath. It was nothing short of unbelievable how he faced this adversity head-on and without fear (or at least that’s what it looked like to us from the outside). I will never ever forget how courageous he was to the end. He was amazing!

I think I speak for all of my family in saying that we were so blessed to have known and loved such a wonderful man! I will forever cherish precious memories of times with my Dad. He was an incredible human being and truly had a great life. In addition, he positively impacted many of us forever. God bless the life, memory and incredible strength of my Dad, Dick Ellwood.