A Tale of Two Deaths

Last week was a very unusual week. It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times...

This will be a tale of two deaths.

On Wednesday morning when I got to my office, a co-worker informed me that a woman we both had worked with for over 15 years (her name was Jenny) had died the previous afternoon. Apparently, during the lunch hour, she was out in her car and somehow drove into a pond and drowned. As my co-worker told me of Jenny's death, I stood there with my mouth open in utter disbelief. How could this be? Was this just some terrible joke he was playing on me? I soon realized that it wasn't. Jenny was dead.

On Thursday afternoon, I got the news that an architect friend of mine (his name was John), someone I have known and loved for 24 years, had died. He succumbed to liver cancer after only a very short fight with it. His cancer was diagnosed only a few months ago. Unfortunately, I had been expecting the news of John's death. Sadly, everyone knew it was coming - he had been on hospice since a little while after his 70th birthday at the end of 2009. None of us wanted John to die, but cancer can be a quick killer. John was dead.

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for Jenny at a funeral home. Tomorrow night I'll attend a visitation at a funeral home for John, and then go to his actual funeral service on Tuesday afternoon.

This is about the deaths of two people that I have known personally. These are my observations concerning the apparent significant contrasts between the deaths of those two people.

Jenny was a single woman, 39 years old. When I first met her, she was newly married. But, that marriage didn't last too long (less than two years?). I don't know exactly why. I'm afraid I never asked her questions like that. Jenny was a very capable young lady. When it came to working diligently on deadlines for projects and doing the detailed tasks that she was asked to do, there probably was no one better. As a matter of fact, many would say that she was the best! But, I would also characterize Jenny as being a bit "salty." She had a bit of an edge to her. She was at times quite cynical and sharp. You really didn't want to mess with Jenny! She was a good and faithful friend to a few in the office, but she appeared to have a very limited circle. If you weren't in that circle, you really didn't get to know much about Jenny. I think she made sure of that. Most recently, Jenny had been away from work for awhile, sort of mysteriously. The word was that she was "O.K.," but that she needed some time to deal with some personal issues. Someone said that she may have had a chemical imbalance that was giving her problems? It may have been that or it could have been something else. I remember that she lost her Mom a few years ago and had a very hard time getting over that. No one knows exactly what happened when Jenny's car surprisingly left the road, rolled down an embankment and plunged into a pond. A bystander claimed that she appeared to be fighting to get out of the car before it became completely submerged. Sadly, Jenny died in that submerged car - alone and in the midst of what had to be a most terrifying event. Following her memorial service, I would have to say that apparently Jenny did not have a spiritual life per se. There wasn't any mention of her faith in God, or in His son, Jesus Christ.

John was married to his wife, Marna, for over 47 years. They had two sons in their family, and both of them are married with children, living in the immediate area. When I first met John and Marna, we were attending the same church. We followed them to a new church several years later, which is the same church we currently attend. John had his own architectural company, specializing in church architecture/design. The company was previously founded by his father, and in the past few years one of John's sons also joined him in the enterprise. John always, always had a smile on his face and just made you feel like he was really glad to see you. He and Marna just lit up a room when they walked in. I always looked forward to seeing John and Marna! They were the consummate wonderful couple that absolutely EVERYONE loved! Their faith in Jesus Christ was evident to all and they served our church for many years, in lots of different roles, adapting to numerous changes and life-changing initiatives along the way. Even as they battled the ravages of his liver cancer together the past few months, they appeared to do it with courage and hope and an abundance of acceptance, even though this wasn't something they at all expected to be going through. Both John and Marna loved to laugh, and laugh they did all the way until the close of John's life. John died with his family and friends (+/-20 people) gathered around him. They were singing songs and praying with each other until John drew his last breath. It must have been an incredible experience!

A tale of two deaths. A tale of two lives.

Not many of us will be able to choose how and when we are going to die. But, we can choose right now how we are going to live. I want to live life like John. And, when my days are over, I would love to have my family and friends around me singing songs and praying with each other until I draw my last breath, too.