Separation Anxiety

This post will have two parts. The first part will be primarily for those of you who are parents of a child who is at least +/- 10 years old. The second part will be for those of you who are yet to be parents and/or have children who are still very young...

Those of you who are already parents remember the time when you first started leaving your children with someone else. Maybe it was at church. Maybe it was with your parents. Maybe it was with a babysitter. You did all you could do to prepare your child for "the drop-off." You made sure they were happy, fed and had a clean diaper. You tried to occupy them with one of their favorite toys or some other distraction. And then you began to walk away. Everything was going fine until your child discovered that you were leaving. Most children at an early age experience some sort of "separation anxiety" at that point. They'll cry. They'll throw a fit. They'll misbehave. They'll do anything to try and get your attention so that you'll stay with them. It is really a terrible moment as a parent. You say to yourself, "I need to have some time away from this child. I must leave them for a little while." But then, you have to make a decision. You have to decide who is in charge. Who is going to determine what happens next - You or the child. As many of you know, even though the child is crying and fussing, they usually get over it. It may take awhile and the poor nursery worker at the church or your parents or the babysitter has to listen to loud wailing for awhile until the child realizes you're not coming back right away. It's tough, but you have to do it. You can't always stay with the child. You have to begin the process of breaking away from them, even if for only a little while. Those of you who are parents of older children remember and you know just what I am talking about. Right?

Several years later, your child grows up. Now they are the ones who start leaving YOU. And even though there is a part of you that maybe is all too ready to let them go, deep down inside of you there is a compulsion to fight their leaving with every fiber of your being! You can't wail and fuss like a baby, but you sure do want to! "What do you mean you are leaving? I've cared for you, bought things for you, played with you, built my whole life around you and your activities for the past 18+ years! You can't leave! What am I going to do now?" But, they go. And then YOU are the one with separation anxiety. And it really, really stinks! You know that you have to just let them walk away. You know that they will come back again. You know that they'll be alright. But, for the next several hours, days, months, whatever (?) they will be gone from you. And you have to do all you can to fill the void in your life with stuff that suddenly doesn't involve knowing everything there is to know about the activities of your child. "What if they don't do something right? What if they make a mistake? Why are they leaving me? Don't they realize what this is doing to me?" Agony. It just really stinks!

Nobody told us it would be this way. You get in a groove with parenting and you kind of like that groove. You get the hang of how to care for and raise your children and really like being able to guide all of their activities. You build your life around them and all that they do (their activities and their accomplishments, etc.), and then one day, they're gone. And it's different. And you have to get used to it being different. And you may not want to. You have a bad case of separation anxiety!

But, you have to move on. You need to separate from them (at least somewhat), and they need to separate from you, too. It's really the only healthy thing to do. You gotta do it...

That's all for the first part. If you have been there or are currently going through it, you know exactly what I mean.

Now for the second part. For those of you who are yet to be parents and/or still have really young children at home, this is your WARNING. Your children will someday grow up and move out of your house. That's what they are supposed to do. That is what you raise them to be able to do. But, it is really, really hard to live through and adjust to. It is a BIG life change! My advice to you? Deal with it. Make the changes you need to make and then build new lives around something other than the daily activities of your kids. They'll be fine. You'll be fine. It's all part of life. Oh you'll still participate in their lives (and you should!). But it will be different. And that takes a lot of getting used to...

Honestly, I still long for the days when Andy, Katie, and Peter still lived here in our home. I haven't made the adjustment yet. I want to, but it is taking a lot longer than I ever thought it would.

Praise God that we still have a few more years of Nathan living in our house!